i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
