It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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