So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
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I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
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Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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