look no pants
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
