Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
