You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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