I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
