so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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