Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You had me at "let me see your balls"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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