I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
