when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
