So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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