see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
