are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.