I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
