Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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