I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You know, be my cock's hype man.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.