Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hungover. No words. Just memes.