There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
