if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
well, you know. whores of a feather.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
