I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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