haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
