It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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