Swine flu. Run for my life!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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