No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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