Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
