I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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