Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
