She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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