I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize