So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
