im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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