Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
