the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My liver just had a heart attack.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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