White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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