Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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