i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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