Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
