Kiss
Puke
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
