oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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