Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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