You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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