i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
