he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
