I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
