what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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