I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you will always have a special place in my vag
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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