Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
