ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
