How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
