lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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