Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This house was built for laser tag.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
