They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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