didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
