He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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