I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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