I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
