One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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