i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
