I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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