I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
