these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
