Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
