i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
