We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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